07.27.08 11:20 pm

tonight he came by and picked up the last of his stuff. final closure on a rather unfortunate waste of the past nine months.

i am glad and relieved to be done with it. and yet i want nothing more than to curl up into a tight-knuckled ball and cry my fucking eyes out until morning.

why do men jump so fast? how can they? how can he already be in love with someone else? posting it so deliriously for all to see and shouting it from every fucking who gives a flying shit mountaintop.

and as usual, just as the last time i was in a similar stinging situation, logic tells me it is tentative and foolish and he will fall just as quickly as all the many times before.

i miss him. his presence and his body and his warmth in my bed. the feel of his skin and the sound of his breathing next to me. and even though that is essentially all he had to offer in the end, to know that he is already with someone else and that she is experiencing him right this very moment hurts so much. it's humiliating.

i want this to be the last night i cry about this.

i want to start taking this life more seriously and regarding it more preciously.

i want to put away any thoughts or hopes of finding happiness with a man until i find contentment in myself.

i want ice cream.

i want a hug.