01.21.02 12:15pm

blessed holiday sleepy pajama girl with hot creamed coffee and onion bagel and time on her hands to form something from nothing in so many senses of the word and always a prickling of anxiety at the base of her brain that she will close her eyes on this day with nothing accomplished and no steps taken and yet another mismanagement of time gifts to notch in her mental belt of wishful nothings.

eh. t'aint so bad as all that. come on now.

breathe.

breathe in this blustery grey seattle holiday morning of citrus moon sliced memories, this weekend with friends and parties and much eye contact with boys in bars of beverages and laughter and warm hands and the mad rush to push away this impending anxiety of what if's and job searches and soul searches and and and

sigh.

chill sister. chill.

one step at a time girlie. and it's early in the day. still day. still time.

stillness. and time.

and breathing. eyes closed, in and out exhale of air and silence except for the rasp of bending branches and windchimes and moving. air. life. breath. being. stillness in movement. movement in stillness. breathing in slowing pulses of blood flow through flesh. warm flesh stable and sitting right here. this moment. this armchair. of time and being and meaning and letting go and giving and taking.

of air. of this life. of this motion of being still.

and the girl sits on the bluff and looks down into her valley of a life as his words from the other night float back to the surface of her vantage point. the words that tiptoed awkwardly from the mouth of the strange quiet boy with a british accent and large watery eyes and shaved head when he said that she was a beautiful girl. and how carefully he said those words, so that she would indeed hear them and understand. those words. and her tears sprung unexpectedly from cavernous tangles of memories to the contrary and she could only whisper to his sad confused eyes a thank you. and press close his warm hand before leaving his side to step out in the citrus cool night.

and through this silver burst morning of brambled thoughts she breathes in and smiles.

because some day she'll believe those words.

because that some day is coming nearer.