09.20.04 11:22 am

i love cheese.

right now as i type this i am munching on a couple pieces of dill and pepperjack i snagged from a gigantic platter of assorted glorious coagulated milk curd products, left over from some froo froo upstairs meeting.

why does everything evil taste so good?

this summer has been one grand indulgence after another it seems. i gained twenty pounds back from my original forty pound loss last spring. sigh. i choose to think of it as still being down twenty pounds from last year.

accentuate the positive. always. you spin-doctress, you.

i am on my second cup of hazelnut coffee, in my office, catching up on journals, kexp playing my daily life soundtrack in the background. everything seattle is covered this morning in a pearly sheen of mist, and i am as usual working to clear the fog in my own head; the daily struggle to focus to each task and not flit here and there until 8 hours have passed and so little to show for it.

organization the forevergoal, disorder and chaos at the root of my every undoing.

lists are a constant. but i do enjoy the crossing off of them. i have begun to use a slick red gel pen to do the crossing... more satisfaction still.

fall already. sweater and tights today. football season. halloween in stores. i'm getting over another crud cold. and the mother has purchased tickets to visit next month for a whopping ten days.

A and i drove to ron's house saturday night and loaded the pick-up with the last of the boxes i had stored in ron's garage.

oh my god but i am a packrat.

i am a packrat living in a tiny apartment that has no storage.

i have boxes stacked against my living room wall. bags of old clothes stuffed in my lone closet. candlemaking supplies, grandma steck's random collection of old plates and knick-knacks, old notebooks from college, vegetarian magazines, depression glass... i am trying to keep my head above it all. one box at a time.

ooooh i like this song new song from kings of convenience. must get cd.

still dating A, the boy who is opposite me in so many ways. when we laugh, it is deep belly release, nothing to do but let go and give in to it. total joy, total exasperation, everything in between. he is a constant. and he keeps coming back for more. he is as solid a boy as i have ever been with. i love the strength of him, his arms, his easy approach with people. he is so ordinary it's comforting. i'm going with it.

more braindump this monday...

i want to knit. looking up classes this week. i miss my sister and niece. excited about the baby due in march. the pictures i see make me so wistful to be with them.

i miss my soulfriends. spending time with loretta, anne, kim. i miss jennifer. i think of all the things i want to do for them. more lists.

giddy excited for the westbyes to move here.

i want to go back to school. looking at extension courses at uw these days. the Plan foreverchanges.

the property manager casually dropped in conversation that they may tear down the fourplex i'm living in, but i'm not to worry about it yet. uh huh.

last week the upstairs 40something man who vacuums at odd hours of the day and night was playing the same britney spears album over and over at such deafening decibels that timid me actually marched up to his wide open door and yelled at the top of my lungs, to no avail as no sound beyond his speakers was allowed to exist. the last three quiet nights have made me hopeful of continuing the trend.

might go back on weightwatchers, might do curves, might do more water aerobics, might might might...

alphonse is still my constant cuddle touchstone, despite his insistence of waking me up two or three times every night.

yesterday afternoon lunch with christa, sitting on the shady backsteps while A watched sunday football, sunlight through the apple trees, birdchatter symphony, alphonse stretching in the grass, the crunchy air against my skin.

wistful for all of it. let's go.