05.02.05 3:32 pm

it's 3:30. the dead zone. 3:30 on a monday afternoon, when the sun is hidden and the music is mellow.

my coping tools, lined up in order along the corner of my desk, are as follows: sbc med nonfat chai latte, propel berry-flavored water, diet vanilla coke (they were out of diet cherry pepsi). i just sucked up the last bits of latte. damnit all. still waiting for the kick in.

i'm not sure how one can have a wardrobe crisis while spending the night elsewhere and only having a few items of clothing to choose from in the first place, but i somehow manage it every single damn time. i drive myself bonkers. with 2 pairs of pants, 2 tops and a sweater, i tried on every possible combination this morning - which of course i had NO TIME for, before giving in to the fuckitall choice: weekend jeans, black top, clogs and a hoodie (when the hell did we all start calling them hoodies anyway? damn you, stupid old navy commercials)

caffeine is slowly entering my bloodstream. not fast enough. gah. ok, i just switched the radio from npr to kexp. and shit. they're playing some kinda mystic african trance crap. not gonna work. cd time. one moment please. spoon, volume up, repeat-shuffle. i might make it.

as you might have guessed by now, i am at work. piled with unbelievable amounts of work. and the tightest of deadlines. and i'm here. finally. venting the shit out of all this. or is it diversion?

either way. something's gotta give.

the perfect duplex i threw my hat in for last week eluded my grasp. i fell in love with it at first sight. just sitting on the porch, waiting for the tenant to arrive and show it, i had already fallen. i'm not even going to go into the details. turn of the century charm. nuff said. but not to be. goddamnitalltohell.

i want a slingshot. that might help my mood the next time the creepy upstairs guy decides to piss on the bushes right outside my living room windows.

anything else? hmmm. well yeah. of course. there's always something else.

i gave in to albert last month and got back together. his passion for 'us' overwhelmed me. i just have never experienced that kind of committment and need from someone. it stuns me. did i just use the phrase 'gave in'? yeah. so. what does that tell you? what does that tell me?

i can be such a passive fuck sometimes.

ok, not even gonna count the expletives in this one. flippant cussing in casual conversation. the older i get, the more i sound like a drunken sailor.

hmmm. that life doesn't sound half bad right about now.