05.04.05 4:41 pm

you know how when you walk into a place and your heart starts beating faster and you just know. you know that this structure of wood and nails and drywall and tile was made to protect all of you. that somehow this man-made edifice has captured the essence of what you hold dear. of who you are. it's just home.

it happened to me when i first saw the little cottage on hulamoons bluff. overwhelmingly so. even though the house was occupied by my neighbor at the time, i had trouble sleeping that night, knowing how close it was to me. knowing the possibility was out there.

and when i walked into the ballard apartment, a year and a half ago, i barely looked at it before grabbing a pen and signing the rental application.

and now, this duplex. it's sitting there, nestled in the same west seattle neighborhood i've been pining for since i left it, two and a half years ago. the duplex i fell in love with just sitting on the porch, waiting to meet the girl who was moving out to start her new life with her unborn baby.

it had slipped through my grasp last week, when a couple beat me to seeing it, and therefore got dibs. and all weekend i had forced myself to push it from my mind, focus on the negatives of it, anything to stave the feeling of loss and disappointment. and indignance that someone else had taken my place!

until yesterday afternoon, when i received a phonecall telling me that the first couple's application had fallen through. and then the phone call today confirming that i qualified.

so yeah.

i'm moving!!!

in the very month that couldn't be crazier at work, and the month that holds in it yet another trip down to california... i'm moving!!!

to a little old place just for me and the cat. without upstairs psycho killer nocturnal neighbors! with hardwood floors! with windows all over the place, and a crusty fireplace that no longer burns! and perfect laid-back landlords, and friendly neighbors! and and and a million other images that race through my mind. along with the worry that i won't be able to fit all of my stuff in the quaint little space. and yet i really don't care, because this is the space that should house me and anything that doesn't fit shouldn't fit.

because, this place just fits.

and i can't wait to start this next chapter of my life.

and how good does it feel to say that?