06.21.05 10:59 am

solstice day and we've definitely been having solstice weather here... all sunshine for the last few days.

i'm home sick for the second day. i hate that every cold i get goes straight into my chest now. i'm dealing.

still unpacking boxes from the move. settling into the little duplex to make it my own. it really feels like a tiny home, not an apartment. the neighbors are very friendly, and i love having my own porch and front yard. i love living in this neighborhood.

moving day i had a freak out at how tiny the place really was. my mind had somehow made it larger, and i have no small amount of furniture. after four carloads of donated everything, i am still trying to fit in this tiny space, but fortunately so far, the furniture just fits.

luckily the first reaction people have is 'oh, how cute' and then 'wow, how small'. but at least cute is the first impression. hehe. but really, i shouldn't need more space than this for one person. it's forcing me to simplify and organize. i refuse to live in any more boxes. a place for everything and everything in it's place. (with a little time and patience, that is)

albert and i are officially broken up. two days after he worked like crazy moving me in a heat wave and being my rock through all the craziness, he had 'the talk' with me. i was making dinner, and he asked "the question" out of the blue: "where do you see us a year from now?" i just turned and looked at him and asked "why do you want to start this; you know where it's going to go."

because the truth has always been that i felt no future for us, as much as i'm continually comforted by his presence. it's not butterfly love. he's grown to hate the word butterflies, and i can't blame him. i feel pretty foolish turning away such a sweet giving man, but there it is.

we've still been spending time together. cuddling and talking and slowly transitioning away from each other. i've never been good at making a clean break. it feels so extreme and harsh. but this has its own element of pain behind it.

he's earned all kinds of respect from me that he finally came to the point where he stood up for himself and stated that he needed more than i could give him. it's been a painful bittersweet month. i'm hoping that we can keep the supportive part of our friendship going.

time will tell.

ok, time for more sleep and cuddle time with the kitty - the plus side to sick days.

happy solstice lovelies. get your sun on.