02.16.06 7:18 am

alphonse is on a mission to make sure i only get six hours of sleep every night. he is worse than a bootcamp sergeant. the past few mornings i have been woken from a deep warm sleep by a raspy relentless tongue on my nose.

as we edge closer to the cusp of a cold snap up here, i can still feel last weekend's sun on my bare feet, the red of its brightness in my closed eyes, the lap of ocean water in my ears. standing at the waning crest of winter, i purposefully scooped up the memory in pocketfuls to get me through this week.

i have been running a gauntlet of highs and lows for the past couple weeks and am just trying to keep a clear head through it all.

in the yin yang that is my life, i have somehow managed to find love and inflict heartbreak at the same time.

my mantra through this rough ride: i can only heal myself. i cannot protect my people from pain. and more importantly, if i am the cause of the pain, i cannot expect, or even attempt, to heal the inflicted.

suffice it to say my nerves are at full hum. my sleep is deep but brief. my neck is stiff, my head throbs, and my stomach is tangled in twists.

and my heart is bursting to the musical brim.

i am not lost in this; movement is electric yet measured. i am walking each stacatto step with bright open eyes and a song on my lips.

and a handful of sand in each pocket.