06.09.06 6:41 pm

i am broken

each time i come to this place
i am older
more tired
more ache

it is so fucking hard to get back up
old bones
old heart

i give it away so easily
myself
this body
this fucked up heart

the wrong men love me
i love the wrong men

this man
chews all of me
raw
spits me out
so easily

_____________________________

do i start over again
do i want to?

no fucking way.

but my house is in disarray
and the cat needs feeding
and the job keeps going
and the toilet needs fixing
and the lawn needs weeding
and why am i doing this again?

put on a face every morning
take it off every night
wipe the tears before sleeping
keep the car from swerving
keep the bottle from tipping
keep the knife from slipping

say to myself: it will get better
like i've said to myself
for thirty-eight years

but every time here
this fucking sad familiar
the question grows louder
why am i doing this? why bother?

what the fuck is the point
what the fuck is the fucking point