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antidote 12.25.06 1:22 am here is the reality of the thing that you cannot hide from anymore: he does not love you. he does not call you. he does not ache and yearn and cry and dream and bleed and lose sleep and write poetry and obsess over you. he was never there. you were always in a separate space. and he has moved on from even the little part he shared with you. why do you continue to be hurt and surprised by this? over and over and over and over and over again? because you still love him. you still talk to him. you still read and critique his poetry. you still help him with his finances. you still become the crutch he reaches for even while he aches and breathes for another. you still hope beyond deepest hidden hope that he will wake up and discover you. it ain't gonna happen, idiot. grow a clue and move the fuck on already. drop this mopey traumatized shaky nauseous heartache self at the nearest dumpster and leave the alleyway behind you. and be honest for once about the fact that if you truly deeply had him body heart and soul, you know he still would not be good for you. you do not fit together in that way. it would shrink you. and you know this to the core. you. deserve. BETTER. take an aspirin. flush the fever. open the window and air this place out. you have been sick too long. remember this. say it as often as you can. this is your antidote.
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