12.29.06 10:41 pm

one day from new years and i still think of you as soon as i wake up. i still sting and ache reading your writings and the comments women leave for you. and i still can't stop myself from looking.

what am i, sixteen?

you have talent and skill and you misuse it by trying to lure women to you so that your ego can constantly be fed. small man. why the fuck do I care so much. i’ve been drawn into the biggest stupidity to date. and i’m still miserable about it all. and i still love you.

i am an idiot.

___________________________________

tonight was a good night.

i saw my soulfriend after many years and it all came flooding back. we met because of writing. we are both struggling with so many shitballs right now. and tonight we went back to the old coffeehouse, that thankfully has not changed after all these years. and we wrote. and fuck all if she is not an even stronger writer than before. the shitballs add flavor. but of course. and my biggest wish for her is that someday soon she actually sees that. well no, my absolute biggest wish for her is that she continues to write. constantly.

now more than ever.