03.15.07 1:28 am

my right thumb currently has a harry potter glow-in-the-dark bandaid wrapped around it.

i had to put the bandaid on to stop the bleeding from where the needle stuck in my thumb.

the needle went tearing into my thumb because alphonse decided to make a jerky getaway just as i was trying to insert it under his skin.

alphonse attempted this evening's jerky jailbreak because he's as tired and fed up as i am of the nightly fluid injection routine we've now been in for the past two weeks.

we have been in this nightly routine because, as i finally found out, alphonse has kidney failure.

it's funny. as soon as you find out your (but he's still a baby - not even 10 yet) cat has kidney failure, you immediately and magically come into contact with 593 people whose (now deceased) cat also had kidney failure. the upside of this is that you are readily and instantly equipped with their leftover supply of needles, tubing, IV bags, and the helpful advice that "it will get easier; you will both get used to doing it eventually."

but it's not easy. and we're not used to doing it. and we are tired.

and because of these not uncommon jerky breakdowns in our attempts, and my mini breakdown shortly following them, i have been made aware of something.

i have glimpsed a pinprick view of the wide but slowly cracking dam that is holding behind it the gigantic emotional flood of my attachment to this stoic little furball who has been at my side for almost ten years now.

and that is as much as i can write about this for now.

goodnight.