10.09.09 12:09 am

current midlife crisis snapshot:

age: 41 years, 9 months, 20 days, 38 minutes

occupation: same go-nowhere nonprofit job for over 9 years

occupancy: still living alone in a tiny old duplex with my sickly dying cat

status: divorced for the past 10 years, no kids, no prospects, no nuthin

miss lonely-hearts update: the man i've been dating for the past month just emailed this evening to say he's not currently interested in a relationship, but wouldn't mind continuing something casual because i'm "funny and quick and damn sexy to boot". he's just not in that space right now.

professor kittenchops diagnosis: advanced renal failure, kidney infection, more than 1/4 loss of total body weight.

kittenchop treatment prescribed: subcutaneous fluid injections beneath the skin every other day to help the kidneys function, daily antiobiotic, daily antacid, frequent dosage of appetite stimulant.

total vet bill to date: $1187.35 and counting

amount of untouched food thrown out: too massive to measure.

current dilemma: where to run away first. scotland? mexico? greece? beneath the covers and never ever ever come out?

current goals: see above

current "should have" goals:
1) create create create
2) contribute contribute contribute
3) save the planet
4) love love love life and those near and far
5) quit tripping over myself as quickly as possible and focus on the above-mentioned "should have" goals

how to accomplish "should have" goal #5:
1) focus focus focus
2) move move move
3) discipline discipline goddamn discipline
4) fahchrissake stop thinking and just move move get movin already

but really, i'm just tired of doing this shit excuse of a life.
if we must be honest.
and we must, mustn't we?